As some of you know, I work in the IT industry. This seemed like a good career choice when I left my job working in the “Humanities” because I hated people so much. I figured that if I worked with computers, I wouldn’t have to deal with the stupidity that I dealt with working in the mental health field (which I’m sure I will discuss at a later date). Boy was I wrong!!!

I HATE STUPID QUESTIONS!!!

Some people say that there are no stupid questions. I disagree! I hear them every day.

One of the problems I had when I first began working in this industry is I tended to assume that people were not idiots. I would then spend countless hours working on their problems when the solution was very simple.

One prime example of this was the day I was told that the sound wasn’t working on one of the PCs in the building. Bear in mind that it is not my job to troubleshoot such problems, but since I am close by, I get called often. I was told that the sound just stopped working. After 3 hours of troubleshooting and re-installing software, I came to find out that someone was running wires under the desk the day that the sound stopped working. When I looked under the desk (which was entirely enclosed, which is why I did not check this first), sure enough… the speakers were unplugged!

Another example of pure stupidity that I have run into in my years in IT occurred on a cloudy day. The Bat Signal shone brightly on the dark clouds in the sky. I immediately sprang into action! Grabbing my handy, dandy tool belt on the way out of my office, I arrived at a startling scene. My co-worker’s laptop was not working and he couldn’t figure out how to fix it. I quickly took my trusty index finger and pressed the power on button and viola! I guess that is why I get paid the big bucks.

I am not entirely sure why I get asked so many stupid questions. I guess, to many people, computers are mysterious boxes that are far too complex for ordinary people to figure out. I can understand why people who I work with call my department instead of phoning technical support (we respond faster and the problems tend to get fixed more quickly by our group). There are, however, a few things that people having computer problems should do before calling the IT group.

1. Check to see if the computer is plugged in. The plug is the 3 pronged thingy that fits in the “holes” in the wall.
2. All devices must be plugged into the computer and some also have to be plugged into the “holes” (an “outlet” for those of you who didn’t spend their time at a college whose main pitch for perspective students is… “If you pay us $10,000 per year, you get a ‘free’ $400 computer”). Wireless devices require a wireless receiver.
3. Press the POWER button to turn the computer on. A laptop doesn’t turn on by putting up the screen.
4. Pouring coffee, water or any other liquid on your keyboard is not recommended.
5. For Christ’s sake get a virus scan and adware scanner, update and scan your computer at least weekly.
6. The last piece of advice that I have to give to you is a carefully guarded IT secret. Revealing this is like a magician revealing the secrets to his tricks. Helpdesk staffs everywhere are going to want my head on a pole for revealing this to you… If you have a problem with your PC, try rebooting it. That is what the techie is going to try first before he hands you a bill for $100 for his/her (wouldn’t want to be sexist) services. Maybe those techies aren’t as stupid as I tend to think they are.

Following these steps will help you save time, money and may prevent the IT staff from making fun of you (both to your face – my personal favourite, and behind your back).

Another thing I hear a lot from stupid people is… “My computer at home is making a Rooowwwwrrrrrrr sound. How do I fix it?”

My answer… “Take it to a computer shop and pay them some $$$ to find out”.

Or how about… “I got an error on my computer and I don’t remember what it said, but I was surfing the web when it happened. Do you know what the problem could be?”

My answer… “Nope”

The final thing that you should remember when talking to IT staff or anyone else for that matter is; if you start a sentence with “This might be a stupid question…”, then it probably is and perhaps you shouldn’t ask it.